pursuit of happiness

Today I am not feeling the win, but feeling the loss. The loss from a lot of things from last year. The loss of my brother. There are probably a lot of things I've lost over the course of 2011 but nothing stands out as great as that. I wander around sometimes feeling lost and really just unable to believe that it happened. I still search for memories of Joe everywhere. I see him everyday in pictures and I smile but my smile comes with a memory that I won't ever get to see him smile at something funny again, or at the Giants winning. I find myself in the pursuit of happiness lately. Avidly trying new things and letting life take me over. I want to know every bit of what it is like to "live". How can one word be defined in such a vast way. Everything ever done throughout my life is defined as how I "lived". Well I want to live an extroadinary life. I want to fill my life experiences with fun, exciting, adventurous, outrageous, dangerous, scary, rare, boring, happy, calm, and loving moments. I'm still trying to find all these moments I'm searching for to make me feel as though I lived a full life. Some say as long as you have laughed and loved that your life is complete. For the most part that is very true. And even more true if you have shared laughs with the one or ones you love. I can still always consider myself lucky in life. Right now I have a family that loves me, a house to live in (my home), someone to share my daily moments with, a niece and a nephew to make me smile, a secure job, food to eat, and friends to keep me smiling- LUCKY. But not everyone is lucky in life. I find myself struggling with how I am indeed lucky, but other people are really unlucky and struggling in life. I want to share my daily feeling of being lucky with other people. They deserve to be lucky and happy just as much as I do. So as I pursue happiness in every aspect of life I hope I can along the way share some luck, and spread some happiness as I find it.

The Holidays and the new year!

I'm finishing up my trip to NJ for the holidays and have been very thankful for the amount of time I have been able to spend home with family. I am finding myself not sure of what to really write about there has been so much going on while i've been here. Christmas was wonderful, had a relaxing day with family and was able to enjoy the little things that life has to offer. I was able to watch Domani and Catherine get a little bigger and now Catherine is walking and sadly Domani is cheering for the Giants. At least his Dad would be happy with that one! Obviously Joe was missed over the holidays but that is already a given. I've accepted that he is watching over all of us and is resting. I was able to see where he is "buried" not sure what they actually call it when its in that building. It was very beautiful. I was able to watch my nephew touch the words Joseph C. Deak and say "Dada", somehow that little guy knows exactly where his Daddy is. And is very quiet and calm when his Mommy finds the need to cry. He gives her hugs and looks at her with those eyes that I am sure have resemblence to Joe's. For me that moment of watching both of them made me put perspective on how much the little things are so important and are what we truly cherish at the end of every day. I have really loved my time with my family but am ready to go home to Idaho and get back into the routine of my daily life. On another note, with the new year comes the new seasons of all of my favorite TV shows. Pretty little liars, greys' anatomy, the bachelor, biggest loser, parenthood..and probably some others that just off the top of my head i cant remember. So I am thankful to watch drama filled shows and keep the real life drama out of my life and only on the TV shows I watch. YaY for useless TV! :) I am very excited to watch all of these shows and relax while doing it with a snack of frozen grapes :) Yum! (if you havn't tried them, I honestly don't know what your waiting for). My plan for the new year is to keep up with my physical therapy which i have been doing for the few weeks I have been home and it has really been helping my hips feel less pain. and also it has toned my leg muscles! really just a positive outcome all around for that! I hope to finsih finally unpacking some things from my house, buy some big bins and pack up whatever stuff I don't need and put it in the basement. My goal really is to keep the house clean and functional and not messy. But as that is difficult my other goal is to atleast clean one part of the house a week. Although the kitchen requires daily cleaning due to the fact that there is no dishwasher. And the fact that the kitchen is used the most often therefore gets dirty the quickest. I also plan on going on runs, getting some work out equiptment for the house and finding a second job. I have made my executive decision to take the semester off and work. Save up some money and see where I am at this summer and what I want to do. I am ready to get home and get my cleaning going and upkeep the house and work out and work two part time jobs. Hopefully! We will see how things go :)