It's been a year

I just want to see you,
And feel one more embrace.
The tears just fall so freely with no one in your place.
I need some reassurance,
Someone to guide my way.
My heart hasn't beat steadily
Since the day you went away.
People try and tell me,
Any words to calm me down.
But there's no point in trying,
All I want is you to be around.
They say its best to remember
All the times we ever shared.
And glimpse back at pictures,
When nothing else seems to help.
There's an aching in my heart
And a missing piece where you once were.
It's hard to believe a year has passed,
Since the music sang and the words read we're put into a memory of you.
I still sit in that church and feel that day happen over again.
I can picture it so clearly and feel all of the same emotions.
And I slip into a trance,
My hands are shaking and my heart is racing,
As a waterfall traces over my face.
I hear the words "it's not okay",
Not realizing they came from my own lips.
And your gone,
An angel above us.
A lost soul among us.
You pop up at all the right times,
Your subtleties reminding us you will always be there.

large act of kindness

Its hard to think about how you can expand your horizons and become a better person every day. Some days you barely feel like getting out of bed or even talking to anyone, those days it is hard to imagine a world that has good in it. When your at your lowest moments you don't really think about being kind or how your attitude and mood affect those around you.

Today I saw something that to me was amazing. It wasn't anything spectacular and some people probably didn't even notice that it even happened. I will tell you one thing though, because I was able to witness this you are receiving a post from me about how the smallest act of kindness can literally change the world if not just the people you surround.

I began my morning by sleeping in as it is my day off from my job at Office Max. I woke up and checked my phone like I usually do every morning (because I believe in a good nights rest it is always on silent.) I had a text and a few other notifications that I checked as I awoke to being my Tuesday. I got up and did the dishes that were overflowing onto our counterspace even though we have two sinks. I than got dressed and ready to take Ashlee to class. Today I was planning on staying on campus to type up some things and not waste gas by driving back home and back over to campus again. As it is getting cold in Idaho it makes much more sense to take the bus transportation that ISU offers on a daily basis for traveling all over campus. I parked my car and began the bus journey..

I had my earbuds in and was listening to some music. It was mellow for two reasons, one I am in a sober mood this morning and second because I definitely don't remember the song I was listening to. The bus took its normal route and stopped at it's first stop at Reed gym (halfway between where I got on and needed to get off). I looked up to see who was getting on the bus and saw two students walking extremely slow in front of the bus. As my frustration built in hopes they would speed up their slow walk I saw another person crossing. A short older woman was walking across the street as well which I had not seen when I had first looked up. As she made her way to the curb to walk up it and make her way to the bus door no more than 3 feet away. The students who had previously been extremely annoying and making my bus journey more slow than it needed to be had turned around. And to my surprise the one young man helped the older woman up the curb and smiled at her then went back to his slow paced walk and kept going.

I suppose I wasn't prepared for such a small but large act of kindness. I put a label on those two students as annoying and inconsiderate before I even gave them a chance not to be. My judgement was flipped upside down in a split second and I was shocked. My focus drifted solely to that one student and I smiled as I felt his kindness reach far beyond him lending a helping hand. I'm not sure what the intent for me seeing this kind gesture this morning was, but I couldn't be more grateful for it. I now know that I indeed needed that reassurance that not all of the world is horrible. Not everyone is filled with hate in their heart and is to self absorbed to notice when things around them are different because of the way other's can be and act.

Well done young man. Well done.

PICK MY COSTUME!

I am opening up the polls!

I need help picking out an awesome Halloween costume that won't cost too much and is sort of creative. So with that said if you have some options throw them my way. If it is totally awesome I will be that and start getting what I need for it! Pictures of ideas are more than welcome this way I have an idea of what your idea is!!

Now help me out please!!! :) I definitely need it..

love & pumpkins.

There is indeed a song for everything. And for this post: a song about every relationship.

I thought about giving a detail of the relationship with the song but then I thought that may or may not be rude of me depeding on the situation.

Taylor Swift- Last kiss
Glee- Mine
Taylor Swift- fifteen
Glee- Landslide

At least for now thats really all I can think of. There are entirely too many songs in the world and really these are just ones I have already noticed fit into a few of my relationships. It is real odd that they are all Taylor Swift and Glee but I do like both!




In other news I observed the carving of our pumpkins that sit outside of our house now. They look wonderful! This is just one of them and it's Ashlee's famous puking pumpkin!

 

HA! pretty cool I think. I'll have to add a picture of our whole halloween yard! It came together really awesome.

 

glee, christmas, rain!

I feel the need to post something but really right now I'm not sure where this will lead me. I've been trying to find a good song to inspire something but frankly anything I put on really is just good listening tunes and doesn't really provide me with the will to write. I am really hooked on glee music as of lately. And probably this is because they have taken a bit of a hiatus. So a few weeks with no new glee episodes is a sad time! My favorite by far is "The Scientist" because it has all of my favorite characters in it. I also really like "landslide" and "mine" because the character Santana is my favorite although this season she isn't on the show as much I'm hoping that may change.

I have begun to attempt to figure out some sort of plans for christmas although its like setting up plans for a couple months away which can be tricky! Guess it all works its self out eventually.

It is a real gloomy day, which definitely doesn't match my mood today. I feel as though I had an awesome weekend and am real happy today. So rain, please go away bring some clear skies my way.

I suppose thats really all I have for today just a little bump of writing for now...

the science of selling yourself short

I have come to the conclusion that it is real easy to lose who you are as an individual in this huge world and everything that is happening in it. I have lost who I am many times and it is really odd to have to rediscover who you are.

Hi I'm Naomi. I think I like to have friends, but I can't quite remember because I don't know who I am because I am so confused at how I got to this point in life.

The science of selling yourself short is in fact not a science. How easy is it to sell yourself short? VERY! It is without a doubt very easy to underestimate you abilities and make yourself mentally weaker. To diminish your own self-worth. Well thats not a challenge I havn't had.

The science of building yourself up, yet again not a science. But if you, like me have mastered the first part, than you need to learn about this part. Step one: surround yourself with awesome people just like you! Although you may think you are NOT awesome right now, there is definitely something or more than one thing that makes you super awesome. The second step is just admitting to yourself your totally guilty of the first part; you sold yourself short. I know it will be hard to let your low self-esteem and large amounts of insults you have grown accustomed to go. But trust me it's time.

Here's the reason! Once you get off of your high horse of being less than who you can be and constantly diminishing all your abilities, you infact can form relationships!

It's amazing! The more confidence and love you place on yourself will allow you to place love and trust and all kinds of feelings towards someone else. And once you can do that and form what may be your first healthy relationship. You are heading in the right track.

So jump out of your pool of self- pity and climb into the relaxing jacuzzi of self-love. In here you will find all the pleasantrys of your favorite things in life. It's like putting on your first set or prescription glasses and being able to see the definition in trees. WOW! There really are individual leaves up there it isn't actually one big blob like I have been seeing it my entire life.

I guess you have to find those amazing things out for yourself, expierence all of this things first hand. And I promise once you do, there will be no accompanying regrets.

the fall of love and hate.

The fall brings a lot of different feelings for me. It has a lot of beauty surrounding it as all the leaves change to beautiful colors and the weather gets just a little colder. With the temperature dropping colder and colder my heart aches a little more.

 

For some people the fall may be their favorite time of year for others they may hate the turn from summer to cold fall weather. Some people may hate it for what the significance behind fall brings for them, or love it for a different significance. I for one feel both. I love the significance of the weather changing and becoming cold and am excited to experience yet another winter. And I hate the fall because the fall for me last year was sad. How do you bring yourself to realize it is possibly the last fall you will see in your life?

The fall brings a heavy weight on my heart. My nephew turned two and all I knew for sure is that his father ( my brother in-law) would never physically see him celebrate a birthday again. Although I believe in heaven and that he is indeed watching over his family everyday and held a smile on his face when Domani turned two and got Woody from Toy Story and won't let it out of his sight.

Needless to say I have a lot on my mind as the fall continues and I know the winter will bring more to my aching heart as a year ago I lost someone I love.

As October speeds by me and my mind just slowly catches up to where my heart is November will arrive. And Thanksgiving will come soon enough and the only thing I am truly thankful for is being able to spend my last thanksgiving with my brother Joe. For me this day will be harder than the night of his viewing and the day of his funeral. Because for me it was the last time I was able to see him alive. It was a great day as Joe, Anne (my sister and Joe's wife), and little Domani kept it a complete secret that I was coming home to surprise everyone. And with complete success everyone was surprised and together as a family we spent a great day enjoying turkey and cupcakes from Mendoker's that Domani and Catherine literally had all over themselves, the high-chairs, and the floor.

I'm not sure what this Thanksgiving brings or the weeks after it, but I have been emotionally been preparing myself for a while for those moments. I know for my sister Anne, every 5th day of every month since December has been a really hard day. But for me I've been awaiting that one day where I will always know it was the last time I got to see him around all our family. My trip for Thanksgiving was indeed a short one because I only had a short time I could take off of work but I can't imagine if I had not gotten the chance to go. For those of you who don't know my trip was entirely paid for by one of Anne's friends through work. She organizes unions all over and one of her friends realized how important this was for our family to spend Thanksgiving together. And If I hadn't been so lucky to get home the last time I would have saw Joe would have been in the Summer when we took a vacation together as a family down to LBI.

I am greatful to say the least for the way things play out in my life. I don't think I could ask for much more than do be able to still be alive at the end of every day.

Smoky "evil" Bear

Well, turns out he would much rather drink from our toilet than from his water bowl. He loves to Parkour. He constantly is biting or has his claws out. We have to put special oils on him simply to calm him down for bed. He is a yard cat. He always is in "curious george" mode.

 

Meet Smoky.

 

For those of you who read that and are wondering what Parkour is. Just go watch the link I attached Parkour. It's basically crazy running and jumping off of everything including walls. Which in our house means we have little foot prints everywhere. There are always scratches or bite marks on us and if hes really mean on your face. As for bed time, Smoky gets lavender oil put on all of his paws to calm him down so he actually can sleep through the night. He is easily distracted so it is hard for him to calm down once he is wound up from playing. By yard cat I mean he really loves running around in the yard. Sometimes he flees to the neighbors yard and climbs their big tree out front then whines when he doesn't want to jump to get down but eventually figures out a way out of the tree he climbed. And he is especially curious. If you flush the toilet he runs up to it and climbs on like he is in the picture above and puts his paw in to see where that water is going. He is recently really fascinated with our Halloween decorations and always tries to pull them down. Which in return is making us reallying nervous to put up a tree for Christmas.

 

 

Here we go again

Someone asked me recently what happened to my blog and frankly I didn't have a real answer other than I got lazy and forgot about it. So I suppose now I will quit being lazy and get back to it. My goal for this blog is to be able to start posting pictures with my updates.

when things go awry, we don't have to say goodbye.

Someone really wise told me to be aware that anything I post on here people will read and may send me concerned texts to see if I am okay. Well text away because how I see it I only live once. So I'm going to say what I want to say when I feel the time is right. And if that something I say is negative and you become worried than worry. But I assure you that nothing will ever need you to worry unless I am saying it directly to you, not the entire world. I have a speeding mind. One minute I can be depressed and the next I am going for a run or having a snack. The fresh air lately has been incredible. I remember on my beyond trip my head was always clear. I don't think many of you probably have experienced such clarity. Maybe some of the older readers ( =D) but besides the point. This clarity was like no other. I felt free and ready to take on the world. My newest goal is to go on hikes. Because it clears my head and sould and makes me feel free. There is a lot going on in my life right now. And it is overwhelming to say the least. But I have not fallen off the path I know I'm supposed to be headed down. It takes a lot for me to not have at least one moment of being depressed in a day. They are always around. I have a lot in my life that is sad and hard to deal with. I just have my moment and move on to the next thing. Some days are easier and some harder but I just don't stop. At least I'm trying not to. It's hard to manage and pull myself out of a rut. I don't really have any friends so talking to someone or just getting a good laugh from a friend isn't necessarily an option for me. I've always had problems when it comes to my relationships with other people and I know now that it is something I can't keep avoiding and need to put some work into. There are a lot of things I may not be able to control but this is probably one of them. I want to better the way I live for me. I have ruined more relationships than i can count. Well about 5. I'm tired of losing people I love. I don't want it to happen anymore. I'm not sure I can emotionally take being the reason I lose someone I love anymore. I am selfish and as much as I think that I am doing what's best for someone else it honestly is always what I subconsciously feel is best for me. I fall in love too easily. And leave myself open for heartbreak even more easily. I need to spend a while being alone and being single. As much as I would much rather have someone I can depend on no matter what I think this is my main problem. I don't have to face things when I am depending on another person for most of my needs. I can be lazy and slack off. And before I knew it I was in the same damaged spot I had already been in. And the only way out was through my heart. I have a lot of love to give and I hope someday I can give it to the one person I want to. But for now I can only hope. Theres a chance either way. I don't think anyone can know when love will strike or when a relationship will work or won't. I think there is an element of fate in life. And right now I'm putting all of my hope on fate. Because when you love someone the way I love her you basically willing to do anything to make it work. And I'm stepping back and looking at the big picture and how I interact in relationships is just not okay.

no logical reasoning...

Somedays I can really not understand how things can suck and then you realize what sucks in your own life isn't nearly as bad as what sucks in someone else's and as much as you want to feel shitty for a while it's impossible when you know that your low points don't compare to those of others'. most days at least some point in the day i can with out a doubt find myself not wanting to actually do anything and to just be on the low side of things. but then i get hit with some obvious problems that are just way worse than anything i am going through right now. there isn't much that i can do to change anything that is happening around me or to other people although it sucks watching someone you love and care about struggle everyday with something they have absolutely no control over. i don't quite understand why things in the world have to be so messed up. its like everything comes crashing down all at once and the world that you knew and the life that you were living is ripped right out from under your feet and your just numb. thats the feeling i see when i look around me. numbness that just creeps up on you and knocks you over repeatedly until you just stop fighting back because so much crap has happened to you that you don't even want to move forward. but what i don't get is why this repeated pain happens to the good people. the people who don't deserve it at all. it makes no sense by any means. can any one explain that one to me?

this IS how a heart breaks.

I have a problem. It's rather big. I like to judge people on everything. How smart they are, how they look, what interests them, and the choices they make. But why do I judge people when I don't want to be judged myself. Ever since I was in middle school I was bullied and judged and emotionally torn to pieces by my peers. It's not okay to do these things by any means. At a young age we come into contact with horrid things that should not be discovered until a much later age. And the things we undergo change who we become. When I was in middle school I experienced more bad things then I have since leaving middle school. I wish I could have had a better experience but that was my journey. When I was in 6th grade I got bullied by the popular girls in my grade because of the way I dressed. I was a tom boy ever since I was really little. I played soccer and loved to play outside and be dirty. They made fun of me. They called me names. They made me an outcast. Luckily not everyone is as cruel as those kids were. My group of friends didn't care that I dressed the way I did, they liked me for who I was not who I appeared to be. Never had I heard a curse word until I entered into middle school and suddenly a whole slew of them came at me at once. The ones that hurt the most still stick with me til this day. I don't think it's even necessary to repeat the because I'm sure by the above we all can imagine what the words were. I came back for my 7th grade year of school and the same things happened. Throughout that first year some of my best friends from where I lived became popular and moved on. No longer really associating with me during school. I was still bullied by the same people and just kept pushing through. That summer I decided I was tired of being bullied and being accused of being different in a bad way when I knew it wasn't in a bad way. I was tormented emotionally and I was tired of it. When I came back for my 8th grade year I changed the way I dressed. I started wearing tight jeans and cute shirts and carried a purse. I still had the same friends but people stopped picking on me and looking at me like I was an outcast. I joined the soccer team and was trying to be more "normal". The bullying changed me. And I'm not saying I'm angry that it did. But who's to say that I had to change for them. But thats how it happened. Throughout my 8th grade year I had some great friends and some great memories. My best friend wasn't so lucky. Infact til this day I don't really know what all was going on but I noticed her arms were covered in scars all the time. And I asked her about it because as I was young I was no idiot to what was going on. She told me that she had tried to kill herself and was cutting and I just didn't know what to do. There was a lot of things that could of happened. And as it played out I still talk to her today and see how she is doing. Theres just a lot about middle school that I hated but the friends I made that were my real friends stayed with me through high school. We were all different in our own way and thats what brought us to be close together. Some how I made it through that and now I am finding myself at the point where I judge people and am that cruel person. And it's killing me inside. I don't know how I got to that point. I feel like I am partially that person I grew up hating for being so mean to me. I need to fix this. I don't want to be the person that makes someone elses life miserable. I don't want to be the reason someone feels like an outcast. My goal is to try and resolve this and be able to know that I can breathe again. This has been literally suffocating me and I need to break free from it.

On another note. I think I have lost my mind. I'm trying to stay calm and not freak out over everything but my patience is really thin lately and my heart races and i get stressed and really anxious about things. I don't know what is really going on any more and i am finding it hard to focus. Nothing seems to be going the way I thought or saw it going. It's just chaotic.

When death tolls...

I'm not sure at all why things happen the way they do. I don't know how to deal with losing someone you love and I don't ever want to deal with it. But it keeps creeping back up to me and hitting me hard. I wish I had control over the bad things that happen in life and could just skip over those parts and be happy all the time and enjoy every part of life but things can't be so simple. They won't ever just be easy. I do just want to run away from it all but theres no where to run from this that won't remind me of how much pain i'm in and how badly I just want to sob into a pillow better into someones arms and cry all day long. My heart literally throbs the majority of the time and when its quite I get to thinking and I cry until my eyes are sore and salty from all the tears and I can't breathe along with that. I never in my life really had any idea how bad losing someone hurts. But now two times into it these past 4 months and I know  my heart cant take anymore this year. I want to believe that there are reasons for death and I am not sure there are anymore. Death is ugly. It is hard to deal with. It is depressing. And on top of everything it is lonely. I can't be alone without bursting into tears and it's so painful I just constantly have to be doing something. I'm sleep deprived. I can't stay awake and I can't sleep when I'm home in my own house unless its so late I just can't stay awake anymore. I get up early to start my day and avoid being at home for the duration until I am ready for sleep again. Today I fell asleep in a counseling office while waiting for a friend and just passed out for a good 20 minutes because it was quite and calming and somewhere I was unfamiliar with. There were no thoughts in my head about death or loss or heartache. It was just still. A calm came through my body as the filter of the 30 gallon fish take buzzed away and the person sitting two seats away from me typed on their laptop. It was a soothing environment, one I hope to regain in my own home where I can feel relaxed as opposed to on edge. I feel as though a huge piece of my heart is missing lately and I want to be okay with that and know that it is for the better. But I constantly ask myself how is this for the better? How can any part of death be for the better? I don't know the answer or if there even is one. But I do know I havn't really felt a pain this great before and maybe it's because I run away from death. This time I can't just run away from its reality. It constantly is surrounding me and I find it extremely hard to live normal. My normal was ripped away and I'm not sure how to find it again.

controlling happiness

Things lately have been day by day. One day crazy and the next mellow. I am slowly getting into a routine and need to actually put one foot forward and start working out again and get ready for the 5K I'm running at the end of April. I have been thinking a lot lately about life in general and a lot of confusion has surrounded me. I guess the lesson I have learned is that things can't always work out how you want them too. Life is not all up to me. I can't make the choice of having whatever I want I can only wish that I have those things and if they work out then maybe it was meant to be. There are a lot of things I wish I could hold onto forever in life and I know some of them I will and some I most likely will not. I am slowly figuring out that I want a lot more then I need in life. And I think lately it has been slowin me down. It isn't easy to let go of what you want in life and give up something you know is good, but sometimes it has to be done for other opportunities to evolve. There are so many things that I don't know yet about my future. And so many people that are not even in my life yet that could have a great impact on it. It's crazy to think that there are so many things to look forward to if you really think about the future. I have realized that my past has been blinding me recently. It has been blocking my judgement and the way I am seeing things. I am ever so slowly trying to move forward from my past although pieces of it will always remain with me, dwelling on those pieces is keeping me from enjoying my life to the fullest. I want to live my life for me for a change and I don't know if I am sure I know how to do that anymore. I have been living my life for other people for so long that I have to dig deep within my past to see what I can change to make myself happy by myself.



Song:

i just wanna run-  the downtown fiction

"Like a game of chess
I predict your move
I think I know you better
Better than you do
I'm sick of feeling cheap
Cheated and abused
Sick of losing sleep
Thinking about you

I'm feelin' like I keep on talking
I'm repeating
Myself, my words lost all meaning
I keep talking
I repeat myself___

I just wanna run, hide it away
Run because they're chasing me down
I just wanna run, throw it away
Run before they're finding me out
I just wanna run"

I feel like SHOUTING!

I really hate the feeling that I am constantly missing something. It is a bad feeling even a scary one. It is completely real though. I don't think there is a way to ever eliminate this feeling. It is a permanent one and someday it will be renewed by more loss. I wish I could say I didn't have any regrets but I do. I mean I think everyone has a regret about something in their lifetime. It would be crazy to not have any regrets although most likely everyone strives to have none. I regret not spending more time with my brother over the years and now that his gone I really realize how much that sucks. I regret few things in life but that main one has been sticking with me lately. I can only hope that I can pursue a life of minimal regrets because why should I be left with regrets when it is over? I don't really regret other things in my life, in most situations it is the experience in life that has lead me to where I am today. I simply regret the experience of loss. How is it that loss has such an impact. It can be extremely devastating. ON a brighter note..

I have been searching for a job and hope to freakin get this one that I really want soon, but only time will tell if it is the job meant for me. I have been meeting a lot of new people recently and making new friends. It is great to have the opportunity to meet new people and to explore life a little bit.

Lately I have been thinking of some people in a way that I never really expected. And it is confusing. I really don't know what to make of any of it. New friends can always be a challenge to understand and figure out. And I'm slowly trying to do that. It is never any easy thing to understand someones intentions right off the bat. You almost have to do your homework on that person to make sense of it. So I'm "doing my homework" on a few people to see what they are all about and how our relationship is going to work if it does at all.

pursuit of happiness

Today I am not feeling the win, but feeling the loss. The loss from a lot of things from last year. The loss of my brother. There are probably a lot of things I've lost over the course of 2011 but nothing stands out as great as that. I wander around sometimes feeling lost and really just unable to believe that it happened. I still search for memories of Joe everywhere. I see him everyday in pictures and I smile but my smile comes with a memory that I won't ever get to see him smile at something funny again, or at the Giants winning. I find myself in the pursuit of happiness lately. Avidly trying new things and letting life take me over. I want to know every bit of what it is like to "live". How can one word be defined in such a vast way. Everything ever done throughout my life is defined as how I "lived". Well I want to live an extroadinary life. I want to fill my life experiences with fun, exciting, adventurous, outrageous, dangerous, scary, rare, boring, happy, calm, and loving moments. I'm still trying to find all these moments I'm searching for to make me feel as though I lived a full life. Some say as long as you have laughed and loved that your life is complete. For the most part that is very true. And even more true if you have shared laughs with the one or ones you love. I can still always consider myself lucky in life. Right now I have a family that loves me, a house to live in (my home), someone to share my daily moments with, a niece and a nephew to make me smile, a secure job, food to eat, and friends to keep me smiling- LUCKY. But not everyone is lucky in life. I find myself struggling with how I am indeed lucky, but other people are really unlucky and struggling in life. I want to share my daily feeling of being lucky with other people. They deserve to be lucky and happy just as much as I do. So as I pursue happiness in every aspect of life I hope I can along the way share some luck, and spread some happiness as I find it.

The Holidays and the new year!

I'm finishing up my trip to NJ for the holidays and have been very thankful for the amount of time I have been able to spend home with family. I am finding myself not sure of what to really write about there has been so much going on while i've been here. Christmas was wonderful, had a relaxing day with family and was able to enjoy the little things that life has to offer. I was able to watch Domani and Catherine get a little bigger and now Catherine is walking and sadly Domani is cheering for the Giants. At least his Dad would be happy with that one! Obviously Joe was missed over the holidays but that is already a given. I've accepted that he is watching over all of us and is resting. I was able to see where he is "buried" not sure what they actually call it when its in that building. It was very beautiful. I was able to watch my nephew touch the words Joseph C. Deak and say "Dada", somehow that little guy knows exactly where his Daddy is. And is very quiet and calm when his Mommy finds the need to cry. He gives her hugs and looks at her with those eyes that I am sure have resemblence to Joe's. For me that moment of watching both of them made me put perspective on how much the little things are so important and are what we truly cherish at the end of every day. I have really loved my time with my family but am ready to go home to Idaho and get back into the routine of my daily life. On another note, with the new year comes the new seasons of all of my favorite TV shows. Pretty little liars, greys' anatomy, the bachelor, biggest loser, parenthood..and probably some others that just off the top of my head i cant remember. So I am thankful to watch drama filled shows and keep the real life drama out of my life and only on the TV shows I watch. YaY for useless TV! :) I am very excited to watch all of these shows and relax while doing it with a snack of frozen grapes :) Yum! (if you havn't tried them, I honestly don't know what your waiting for). My plan for the new year is to keep up with my physical therapy which i have been doing for the few weeks I have been home and it has really been helping my hips feel less pain. and also it has toned my leg muscles! really just a positive outcome all around for that! I hope to finsih finally unpacking some things from my house, buy some big bins and pack up whatever stuff I don't need and put it in the basement. My goal really is to keep the house clean and functional and not messy. But as that is difficult my other goal is to atleast clean one part of the house a week. Although the kitchen requires daily cleaning due to the fact that there is no dishwasher. And the fact that the kitchen is used the most often therefore gets dirty the quickest. I also plan on going on runs, getting some work out equiptment for the house and finding a second job. I have made my executive decision to take the semester off and work. Save up some money and see where I am at this summer and what I want to do. I am ready to get home and get my cleaning going and upkeep the house and work out and work two part time jobs. Hopefully! We will see how things go :)