Things lately have been day by day. One day crazy and the next mellow. I am slowly getting into a routine and need to actually put one foot forward and start working out again and get ready for the 5K I'm running at the end of April. I have been thinking a lot lately about life in general and a lot of confusion has surrounded me. I guess the lesson I have learned is that things can't always work out how you want them too. Life is not all up to me. I can't make the choice of having whatever I want I can only wish that I have those things and if they work out then maybe it was meant to be. There are a lot of things I wish I could hold onto forever in life and I know some of them I will and some I most likely will not. I am slowly figuring out that I want a lot more then I need in life. And I think lately it has been slowin me down. It isn't easy to let go of what you want in life and give up something you know is good, but sometimes it has to be done for other opportunities to evolve. There are so many things that I don't know yet about my future. And so many people that are not even in my life yet that could have a great impact on it. It's crazy to think that there are so many things to look forward to if you really think about the future. I have realized that my past has been blinding me recently. It has been blocking my judgement and the way I am seeing things. I am ever so slowly trying to move forward from my past although pieces of it will always remain with me, dwelling on those pieces is keeping me from enjoying my life to the fullest. I want to live my life for me for a change and I don't know if I am sure I know how to do that anymore. I have been living my life for other people for so long that I have to dig deep within my past to see what I can change to make myself happy by myself.
Song:
i just wanna run- the downtown fiction
"Like a game of chess
I predict your move
I think I know you better
Better than you do
I'm sick of feeling cheap
Cheated and abused
Sick of losing sleep
Thinking about you
I'm feelin' like I keep on talking
I'm repeating
Myself, my words lost all meaning
I keep talking
I repeat myself___
I just wanna run, hide it away
Run because they're chasing me down
I just wanna run, throw it away
Run before they're finding me out
I just wanna run"
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