hate is a strong word but i really really don't like you

is it all that hard to imagine a worl without hate? cause right now it seems impossible. or maybe its more jealousy. a world without that? impossible. i have extreme hatrid toward a couple people. and if i could change it and make it not hate i would. but i just dislike these people to the extent that i want to tell them whats up. and tell them how i feel and what i really think about them. that would be wonderful. but where does hate get you in the world. no where. it steps you backwards in maturity. leaving you with nothing but a bad outcome. so why this emotion of hate? i want to know if it gets you nowhere to hate someone, then why must we has human beings have this feeling. everyone is entitled to live their own life and do what they want, be with who they want. i find it is at our own loss of something where we find hate. when someone close to us is in pain, passes away, is finding out they necessarily dont need you, we find pain there. and with pain comes anger. and anger to an extent is hate. so maybe im just angry. that i may find myself at a loss. because losing something hurts and is devastating. and who whats that to happen to themselves? i guess my point for today is i hate hate. but i dont think anyone can live without it in there life.

cough cough SNEEZE

i have unfortunately been sick for the past few days. i think i am almost over it though.. but we will see. tissues have become a great friend over the weekend. there was an attempt at a snow storm this weekend but it failed. and no snow. just cold cold weather. brrrr! yesterday i did my "spring" cleaning. now we dont have a messy house haha. but also it is getting closer to the holidays and there are more and more sales in the news paper. how exciting for all of you crazy shoppers. i need to get to the craft store to get my supplies for my nephews gift. and figure out what to do for my niece this year. either way i am excited for christmas and family time! it is all i look forward to these days. well not much else to say for now so i will go try and not to feel too sick.

my heads above the water, for now

trying to be done with this semester of school already i am really exhausted from doing work and classes and am ready for a little vacation coming here shortly. thanksgiving break! woohoo! im gonna stuff my face then consequently gain weight and have to hit the gym, but it will be worth it. i have been spinning around in circles it feels like because my head is so confused lately and i don't know what to think or do sometimes. or i just do completely idiotic things. what is wrong with me? oh yeah, im human. rough! well i have some homework to do before that wonderful thanksgiving break that i am in desperate need of so time to get that done so i can breathe. and also those damn kids at work don't make life any easier. somedays i just want to punch them in the face or just freak out on them so they think i am literally crazy.. mentally insane. haha but i can't i need money so therefore need to keep my job. anyways. i can't wait for christmas so i can finally go home and see my family! and my cute niece and nephew! who i miss a ton! come on catherine please be walking by then!  :) you got it girl!

glimpse of reality

i honestly cant believe what happened to me this morning it was the most rediculous thing ever. but it seems lately that i have had pretty decent luck, until this morning. i was driving to park to catch the bus and as i pulled in the bus was leaving and i figured well thats just my luck usually i barely miss the bus and have to wait for the next but for some odd reason the bus doubled back and i thought in my head how kind of a bus driver to see me coming and flip around to pick me up. i parked my car and go out and walked to the stop and the bus was letting on another student about 10 feet to my left i was standing clear as day on the curb and the bus pulled right passed me as if i was invisible and kept going, how did they honestly not see me standing there. i don't see how it is possible to just not see a person standing right there. i was infuriated as i walked back to my car to take cover in the warmth until the next bus came. but soon i realized well if thats the worst thing that happens to me today than i am lucky. i can consider it a great day. even if i get so infuriated again during the day i am still lucky. even if this sore throat ive had for a few days turns into the flu, still lucky. because honestly i cant be mad about these stupid things. there is wayyyy more unpleasant and unlucky things that could be happening to me. so thanks bus driver for giving me a realization that although it feels super shitty to get your hopes up and then let down less than a minute later, its indeed not the worst thing.

Good morning

it is still cold, still trying to snow, and yet still early when i have to wake up. this morning was a good one however. as i woke i was ready for the day and hopefully a good day to follow my good morning. finished my paper and submitted it. had some knock of cheerios for breakfast. got ready. and put on my #82 Jason Witten cowboys jersey. i've been waiting for a W to wear it. and now i can wear it proudly. but anyway this weekend was actually a good one. had some snow, went sledding, and had a little snowball fight. celebrated a birthday. relaxed. did homework. felt like an accomplished weekend. but nothing bad to say for now just of the good of the joy. and praying for my brother Joe to feel some of my uplifting joy in his life and my sister Anne and their son Domani! hopefully we all can have a little bit of positivity during this week and rejoice for the things we have in life that we can always be happy to have.

judge of character

sometimes i can be difficult to judge someone's character and say specifically whether they have bad character or good. to me it is pretty simple. in fact i have come to face people who i would say have a bad character but are not bad people. i think it all has to do with the mindset. if you are set on always being the best/ doing the best and winning, you may have a bad character to me because you are not giving others a chance to win even if they are doing there best. life is definitely not always fair and i have learned that it isn't through life. so to say that people aren't fair goes hand in hand. there are rules we are supposed to follow in life and straying from these rules can lead to things happening that are bad. i just want to give these people a rude awakening and tell them they are being outrageous and seriously just playing in their own game. their own little world. where they seem to think they are the only one with feelings so if they are winning, happy, and doing their best always. then hey the world is alright and everyone must feel the same. well no. kindly putting it, not the case. people all think differently and that is why it is crucial that someone so arrogant in their actions and opinions controls them, says less. thinks a lot before they speak. cause it hurts. it digs into the pain or weaknesses people already are aware they have. makes them feel like nothing they do or try could ever be equivilant to this person. so then why bother. the character we each carry with us daily says everything about us that anyone needs to know. be careful, cause before you know it your saying more than you want to, showing everything even though you tried to hide your imperfections. but hey thats life. accept that people are different, but don't hate them for it.

http://youtu.be/cZtU676jA_k

check out this inspirational video :)

just relaxing

Today was not so bad, i finally got to catch up on some needed sleep and was able to get my errands done for the day. however it is only 2:30 so i am sure the entire day won't be quite as relaxing. I am headed to wok here soon and can only say that i will most likely have to yell at a kid for something in the 3 or so hours i am there. but not to worry i am in a good mood as of now and hopefully it stays that way. my house is in desperate need of cleaning and i need to do laundry very badly. hopefully here soon we get  a washer and dryer and can have clean clothes :)

irritation to the extreme.

lately i have been super irritated with pretty much idiots. to say the least. this morning I was pulling up to catch the bus to lower campus and the bus driver saw me get out of my car and before i could get my backpack from the back seat to my back he was pulling away, I was so irritated i have been super irritated with pretty much idiots. to say the least. this morning I was pulling up to catch the bus to lower campus and the bus driver saw me get out of my car and before i could get my backpack from the back seat to my back he was pulling away, I was so irritated and ready to freak out it wasn't even funny. it was cruel. he clearly saw me race across the parking lot and slide into a spot and park really fast in order to make the bus. no other reason to be in a rush at that point and he waited until i was out of my car to drive away, intensely rude. anyhow. i have decided i need some kind of stress reliever or i may just go into some form of cardiac arrest. so if i can just blab about this crap on here maybe i can calm down. this has been happening a lot lately. it’s annoying and really making me hate certain people that dont give me a chance to be patient with them because i find them so stupid. i just want to tell some of these people to their face how oblivious they are and how irritated i am by their actions. but that would be rude of me and not nice. why can't i be not nice for once. hey by the way were not actually friends im just faking it cause im too nice to tell you how i really feel. haha that’s how I’d start. anyway time for class which will definitely be useless information that i won’t ever need after the end of this semester. i love that. not.