It's not okay to say goodbye

This will just be a short post since i don't have a lot of time to say all of what i want to say, but this week has been long and exhausting. I lost my brother (in-law) although to me he was a brother. I never wanted to have to say goodbye to him especially as soon as it happened. There were many tears and a lot of sad times with my family. And i found my self constantly saying it's not okay. Although eventually it will be. It did not feel okay at all in the moment when i stood infront of everyone at his funeral attempting to read the poem i wrote for him (which i will post later), it didn't seem okay at all. It seemed everything opposite okay. I felt as though there was a thousand bricks on my chest and it became difficult to even take a breath. I had entirely more tears running down my face than any consumption of water could have made a difference for. I am positive that every memory i have had over the past week will forever be embeded in my head. It is hard to say goodbye to someone so close, and I really wish i hadn't had to.

rocked my world

i would say that rocked is an understatment for the news i receieved last night, but at this point i can't think of any other way to describe it that is not horrific. it is hard for me to believe that something so bad could happen to someone so close to me. i wish i could make everything be perfect again, where nothing is wrong but the simple truth is that can't happen. i can't change what has happened and the destined path that is made for myself and my family. but i can be greatful for the people in my life that i have to share the great moments with. everyone has to go through bad moments in life and this is just one of those times. i am really hurt by this heartbreaking news as my sister refers to it. but all we can do is move forward with life and take in all the moments we have with our loved ones while we can. i am greatful for the time i was able to spend home with my family over this thanksgiving holiday and i know they are even more greatful for the time we got to spend together. soon i will be going home for christmas again and will get to spend a longer time home with them. i can't really feel happy too much, when i know how hard this news has been for me and everyone in and surrounding my family. it's just unfair. and has made me numb and i really hate it.